


I hope I maybe sneak my way in (I'd like that)

by Catpal



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluffy, I’m so obsessed with the pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catpal/pseuds/Catpal
Summary: A retelling of the beginning of Dani and Jamie’s love, from Dani’s perspective. Mostly a character study type format. Full of fluffy feelings and baby gay panic and Dani realising she needs to let go of her past in order to be happy (with our girl Jamie of course).
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	I hope I maybe sneak my way in (I'd like that)

**Author's Note:**

> Just your friendly neighbourhood Dani x Jamie stan back at it, trying to relive some of my feels by writing them down. 
> 
> So I wrote this whole fic basically after listening to Charlie by Mallrat and getting major inspiration, it’s a super sweet song and you should definitely listen to it. It’s of course where the title comes from :) 
> 
> Thanks as always to Kat for being my beta, for talking me down from my panic spirals and for encouraging me to keep writing.

If there was one thing Dani Clayton knew in this life, it was her own mind. And that is why she knew the second she’d seen Jamie for the very first time, that she was well and truly a goner. 

Dani had known there was a groundskeeper at Bly, Henry had mentioned it to her, and for some reason she had created an image in her head of an older gruff man with a great big beard and a Scottish accent. The American was more than pleasantly surprised when Jamie had swaggered into the kitchen, proving Dani’s mental image to be strikingly inaccurate.

Instead of her gruff Scottish man, she was met by a slight brunette woman in overalls and an overshirt who just happened to be the most beautiful woman Dani had ever seen. Her brown curls were messy, but in that perfect way that looked like it was on purpose, and she exuded a confidence that told Dani instantly that the gardener knew exactly who she was, and she wasn’t about to apologise for it to anyone. 

The brunette seemed as completely unaware of Dani’s presence as she was of the dirt on her forehead and went on about washing her hands and teasing the children as if Dani had always been there. 

Dani was instantly overcome with the feeling that she knew Jamie, almost as if she had always known her. In recent months Dani had felt anxious and awkward in the presence of strangers, afraid that she would do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing. 

She’d never felt that way before that night with Edmund. She’d never been afraid of saying the wrong thing until she had said the worst thing, and Eddie was gone. Now, she was always second guessing herself, wondering if what she wanted to say was the right thing to say. The feeling was worse when she met new people, children were fine, they tended not to judge as easily. Adults though, adults could take the most off-handed comments and turn them into the biggest slights.

Jamie though, Jamie was different. Dani wasn’t exactly sure how she knew it, she just did. The brunette sat down at the table, and started her lunch and Dani felt completely at ease. Her usual unease was strangely and thankfully absent, replaced instead by intrigue and attraction to an extent that the blonde had never felt before. 

The blonde had tried to play it as cool as possible, trying not to stare at the brunette, trying to appear as if she was hanging off every word the other woman uttered, but her face drew Dani’s attention, her accent making every word she spoke that much more interesting and the blonde couldn’t help but feel like a magnet trying to avoid the pull of another magnet. 

She was enthralled by this woman who seemed so comfortable in her own skin that she made the kitchen seem like her domain, talking and joking easily with everyone, almost seeming to hold court as she ate her lunch at the head of the table.

Lunch had passed too quickly for Dani’s liking, her questions about the man on the parapet met with confusion, her efforts to not seem too enraptured by the gardener exhausting, and then lunch was over and Jamie was gone, and Dani found herself wondering how long she would have to wait to be in the brunette’s company once more. 

Of course, she needn’t have waited very long, when Dani had asked Hannah what chores she could give the children to teach them a lesson about tracking mud through the halls of the manor, Hannah had suggested weeding the garden and Jamie had been all too happy to hand that responsibility off. 

Jamie had seemed genuinely impressed that Dani was discipling Miles and Flora and the blonde would be lying if she said it hadn’t had an affect on her. Always one to react positively to praise, Dani had helped the children with the garden, and she felt herself smiling brighter, holding her head up higher and trying to avoid looking back at Jamie too much as she sat watching on with Hannah and a Gin and Tonic in hand.

When the gardener had lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke casually through slightly parted lips, Dani had felt herself swoon, an honest to God 1940’s black and white movie style swoon, and she knew she was in deep. She didn’t even know Jamie, had barely even spoken a word to her, and yet here she found herself wanting to impress a near perfect stranger who remarkably felt nothing like a stranger at all.

As she worked she searched her mind for a casual way to interact with Jamie. A comment she could make, seemingly in passing. Finally settling on “how we doin?” She was met with an impressed but ever so casual nod and an “okay” sign that left Dani just as flustered as a direct flirty comment would have. She really was so screwed.

Any joy she felt at impressing the brunette with her gardening skills was quickly diminished when the brunette witnessed her having an actual panic attack over a pair of glasses. And as if Dani wasn’t in deep enough, Jamie had to make actual effort to go and cheer her up. Something that people had tried and failed at endlessly since Edmund, and yet Jamie, who didn’t even know her, managed to calm her down almost instantly, earning a dorky laugh and a smile for her efforts. 

As quickly as she had come, she was gone, saddling Dani with a nickname as casually as if they had known each other for a much longer amount of time and then disappearing into the house. The blonde was left standing alone, no longer panicking over a pair of glasses, but instead panicking over how strongly she was drawn to the gardener and how she had yet to make a very good impression on the other woman, who seemed to be pretty much the coolest and most confident human being Dani had ever met.

So when Miles had cut Jamie’s flowers and it had been Dani’s turn to be level headed, she had relished the opportunity. Seeing the brunette all fired up had only served to pique Dani’s interest even further. Jamie obviously had a story and Dani wanted to hear every single word of it. Honestly, at this point she’d sit and listen to Jamie talk about pretty much anything. 

She was so enamoured with the gardener that it didn’t bother her when the other woman made fun of her weapon choice (a fire poker was a great weapon though, and Dani would stand by that choice until her dying day). In fact, she liked it when Jamie teased her, it was like they were playing a game, just the two of them. Plus, there was a mischievous glint in the brunette’s eye when she was teasing people that Dani found particularly endearing. 

That’s why later, when Jamie asked her if she’d rather be asleep on Owen’s shoulder, she wasn’t sure if the brunette was joking or not, wasn’t quite sure whether to chalk it up to a British sense of humour or a comment made in jealousy. Did Jamie want her to not be attracted to Owen? Was she seeing way too much into comments that were being made in casual passing? She hadn’t known how to react, hadn’t known exactly how to tell Jamie that she was the one Dani would like to be curled up against, so instead she just laughed the comments off and changed the topic. 

Her attempted side step had back fired though, when it led to the deepest conversation she’d had with the gardener. The deepest conversation she had found herself in in a very long time. Jamie’s obvious wisdom, the depth that she showed the blonde during that conversation served only to draw Dani in further. When she mentioned the difference between love and possession, Dani couldn’t help but remember how Edmund had always tried to possess her, to own her. He thought of it as taking care of her, telling her to quit her job so that he could take care of her, never truly listening to what she really wanted. She hadn’t realised until it was too late that she had been losing herself piece by piece. The idea that Jamie knew the difference, that she understood that loving someone meant letting them be their own person added another layer of attraction that Dani hadn’t been prepared for. 

She was pleasantly surprised to know that Jamie was more than what meets the eye, that under all the swagger and the teasing and the confidence was a woman who understood people and their motivations. Damned if Dani didn’t love a woman with layers. As she met the gardener’s eyes across the sofa, she felt a moment pass between them. Something unspoken but overwhelming, a sense that the two of them truly understood each other, saw each other for exactly who they were. And then Hannah was talking and the moment passed as quickly as it had come, but when Jamie knelt down and picked Flora up in one easy movement, Dani couldn’t help but be impressed. And when Flora spoke the words “you’re the coolest,” Dani agreed wholeheartedly with the statement. 

Dani had gone to sleep with Jamie on her mind, and had woken up to find Jamie asleep on the couch downstairs when she could have easily driven herself home after everyone went to bed, but had instead decided to stay the night to keep an eye on everyone. Her face was so unguarded when she slept, Dani felt like she was intruding but it was so hard to tear her eyes away, with the soft morning light illuminating the brunette’s delicate features so perfectly. 

Dani was experiencing all sorts of new feelings since she met the brunette, and she couldn't quite describe exactly how she felt as she watched her sleep, but it was akin to the excitement you felt as you reached the top of the first hill on a rollercoaster. A quick and steady build of excitement that left you feeling slightly giddy, an eruption of nervous butterflies in your stomach but overall, an overwhelming sense that you were thoroughly enjoying yourself, in this very moment. It didn’t matter what had come before, or what was going to come next, because this precise moment, this strange combination of emotions and adrenaline coursing through your veins was absolute perfection. 

She meant it later when she told Jamie she was glad that she had stayed, and she meant it with her whole heart. She wished Jamie would never leave in fact, her presence had so quickly become comforting even if Dani’s guilt mounted every day, every moment that she spent thinking about Jamie instead of Eddie. 

Even as Dani reached out to take the brunette’s hand she knew she wasn’t exactly smooth, or charming, not in the easy, confident way that Jamie seemed to be, but she did it anyway. 

As her thumb softly stroked the back of Jamie’s hand, she met the brunette’s eyes and struggled to find the words to tell Jamie just how she felt. Even if she had found them, she realised it just wasn’t the time, it wasn’t the place. They were all in shock, all heartbroken for Owen, his sadness had filled him to the brim and then spilled over into everyone else in Bly Manor. So no, now wasn’t the time to tell Jamie that she thought about her all day everyday, that she wondered what side of the bed the brunette preferred, or what her lips would feel like pressed against her own. Dani bet they would be soft, and just as addictive as everything else about the gardener. 

Then she was pulling away her hand, and Jamie was smirking, getting in her car asking “who the hell knew”, as if surprised by Dani’s forwardness, but also pleased. Yes Jamie definitely had cottoned on to Dani’s attraction to the brunette and she was definitely happy about it. As Dani watched the Land Cruiser make its way down the driveway, she couldn’t help but feel that roller coaster feeling, the giddiness at the thought of what might come between the two of them.

And then she had turned around and Edmund was there, not a reflection anymore. He was standing right there on the path, his glasses reflecting that terrible light, and all the breath left her lungs and she couldn’t get back. And even as she panicked, even as she felt the guilt rise inside of her, she wished Jamie was there, because Jamie would be able to calm her down. Of course that train of thought just made her feel even more guilty and she ran, ran away from the horrible spectre in front of the house and towards the safety of her room when she decidedly avoided looking at the small mirror above the dresser. 

The morning of the funeral had come quickly, finding Jamie standing in the middle of her room in a ridiculous black dress that was way too much for a funeral, wishing that she had packed literally anything else in black. If she was honest with herself she was wishing she didn’t have to go to the funeral at all, her last experience with death was much too fresh. 

She was quickly pulled out of her thoughts when Jamie knocked on the door and Dani couldn’t help but feel a small thrill of excitement despite herself. Even though Dani found Jamie beautiful in her dirty overalls and her Doc Martens, her first look at the brunette dressed up, hair done, red lipstick, the whole nine yards, left her flustered, and she struggled to find the words to describe just how lovely she thought the other woman looked. 

As usual Jamie’s presence was the exact right amount of comforting, her words reassuring her that she didn’t have to feel the need to attend the funeral, that she should enjoy her day off instead. Relief flooded Dani the second she realised she wasn’t obligated to attend the funeral, and she felt like she could breathe properly again for the first time since she had watched Jamie’s Land Cruiser disappear up the driveway. 

Then in her relief she was asking Jamie to help her with her dress, and of course Jamie was teasing her and for a moment she felt okay. As Jamie moved behind her, closer to her, she felt butterflies erupt again. Jamie was so close that the blonde could smell her perfume and feel the heat coming from her body and it was intoxicating. As the brunette started to work on the zip, Dani lost herself in the moment, and in her distraction she glanced at the mirror, even though she’d seen it so many times, Edmund’s image being there made her gasp and jump. 

Jamie was obviously concerned and confused, something that didn’t help to assuage Dani of the guilt she already felt. But then Jamie was joking around again, and Dani was smiling like a dork again and Jamie left with a promise of returning later. Dani wondered how she would pass the hours until she got to see the brunette, until she got to feel the comfort of her intoxicating presence. 

Jamie had returned just as they were preparing dinner, Dani let Hannah lead the conversation and ask questions. Too lost in her own thoughts to make any real conversational effort. Of course though, she found herself drawn to Jamie, to her words. She seemed wise beyond her years and Dani found herself wondering, not for the first time, what secrets the brunette’s past held. She found herself pausing in her work of peeling potatoes, literally transfixed by Jamie.

Of course Jamie, never one to miss when Dani did something embarrassing, caught her eye and shot her a small smile that made Dani panic. She was in over her head with Jamie, who was so confident and knew exactly what to say in every moment. And then there was her, an inexperienced awkward American with a school girl crush. How had Jamie managed to get under her skin so quickly? She couldn’t help but be drawn to the brunette. She couldn’t help but to slowly let go of her past. 

She finally had a reason to.

Now more than ever she felt ready to move on from the pain of the past. Not to run from it as she had been when she left America, but to truly move on from it. To move forward with her life, to let go of her guilt and let herself be happy again and she knew that it was without a doubt a side effect of having met the brunette.

If only her past was ready to let her go. If only Edmund would let her be free of her guilt. Maybe one day she would be able to look at her reflection again, but today was not that day. 

By the time she found herself sitting by the bonfire drinking wine, she was quiet and withdrawn. Her emotions had been warring against each other all day long and she was so tired, exhausted to her very core. When Jamie had sat next to her at the dinner table she’d been more than pleased which ultimately triggered her guilt all over again.

She considered, for a moment, doing nothing about her feelings for Jamie. Maybe if she didn’t take it any further then she wouldn’t feel so damn guilty all the time, she could finally rest. But then Jamie had to stand up, and give a speech about her, say kind things about her in front of everyone and she felt a rush of affection so strong it almost overwhelmed her. 

So, when Jamie suggested heading to the greenhouse, to give Owen and Hannah some privacy, she’d jumped at the opportunity to be alone with the brunette. This was how she had found herself sitting not as close as she would have liked to the gardener, and talking about Eddie, about what had happened. Dani had never said it out loud before, she hadn’t told a single soul and she found that there was a sense of relief to it, that getting it off her chest felt almost like a weight was being lifted. It was also terrifying though, admitting to it out loud, because she knew it sounded crazy. She braced herself for Jamie’s reaction, worried that the brunette would laugh at her, tell her that she was nuts.

She was more than pleasantly surprised however, when Jamie took Dani’s confession in her stride. She barely batted an eyelash when Dani essentially told her she was being haunted by the ghost of her dead ex-fiance. Instead she had comforted her and tried to make her laugh. She even seemed genuinely impressed by Dani’s strength.

Dani had never in her life felt so seen and understood by another person. She had always been underestimated, because she was a girl, because she was a teacher, because she was kind. But here was this beautiful, strong woman, who saw her. Who took the time and the effort to get to know her for who she truly was instead of trying to force her ideals of who she wanted Dani to be. 

The overwhelming feeling of affection from the bonfire was back. She felt like she had finally reached the top of the climb on the rollercoaster, her whole body was buzzing with an eruption of butterflies and a spike of adrenaline sent her surging forward, grabbing on to Jamie. Her life up until this moment had been like a rough sea and Jamie was her life raft, keeping her afloat. Jamie was solid, a physical reassurance that eventually she would make it back to land. It was addictive that feeling, that sense of safety and Dani didn’t know if she would ever quite get enough.

She felt the loss when Jamie pulled away, an instant sense of disappointment. But Jamie stayed close, didn’t quite pull all the way away and she was asking if Dani was sure. Of course she was asking, because she was Jamie and she was kind and always seemed to care whether Dani was okay or not, in a way that the blonde had never experienced before.

Dani searched the greenhouse quickly, seeing no signs of her ghost. She reassured Jamie that she was sure, because she thought that she was, and Jamie’s whispered “thank fuck” only served to spur her on. She leaned forward into the kiss, Jamie’s hands on her face, at the back of her head pulling her impossibly closer. Dani had never had a kiss like this. It was all encompassing, every nerve ending in her body surging forward for more as she careened down the other side of that steep climb. Her heart was soaring as she clung on to Jamie, she never wanted this moment to end.

And then she thought of Eddie, and then he appeared and she was gasping, pulling away from Jamie involuntarily. Jamie was clearing her throat, adjusting her clothes and trying to reassure her it was okay, even though she knew it wasn’t. 

Jamie’s dejected “another night maybe, another time,” all but broke her heart and she watched the gardener retreat, wishing she could turn back time just a couple of minutes. She wanted more than anything to be back in the warmth of Jamie’s embrace.  
And so the Au Pair made a decision. She was tired of waiting to restart her life, she was sick of telling herself another time. Avoiding happiness was exhausting and it just didn’t make any sense anymore. As she stood at the fire that night, a decision was made. The guilt wasn’t serving her anymore and she was so tired of it weighing her down, she was more than ready to let it go. She was ready to let happiness in.

It was with thoughts of Jamie that she found that strength to quite literally face her demons that night. To stare Eddie down, to throw his glasses in the fire, daring him to try and stick around. It was the glint in Jamie’s eye when she was being mischievous, the slight smirk that graced her lips when she caught Dani staring and the joy of their first kiss that kept her by the fire until Edmund was gone, until she was sitting alone. 

As she made her way back up to bed that night she resolved to make it up to Jamie, to show her that now she was truly ready. She was willing to meet the brunette halfway. She devised a plan to wake up early, before the kids and meet Jamie in the greenhouse, and she was going to ask her to go on a date. She was going to make this right, she was going to allow herself to be happy. 

She just had to hope that she hadn’t done irreparable damage with Jamie and that she could still find a way into the other woman’s heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one so I hope you all like it.


End file.
